Relationships and how they're developing

[redbird]

In response to something mactavish posted, I wrote

I don't have veto power with any of my partners--but if any of them said "I don't think that's a good idea" I'd ask why, and take it seriously. And I'd give them similar information, if I had it about someone that one of my partners were interested in: that's part of caring for each other.

Nothing odd in that--except that I started to write "cattitude or Q" and realized that at this point, the same consideration would apply to adrian_turtle. This is part of why I don't label my relationships as primary or secondary: they are what they are, and they change.

I am a very fortunate Vicki.

Comments

[adrian-turtle.livejournal.com]

That's certainly a valuable kind of consideration. I don't mean to discount it by saying it can be orthogonal to questions of whether someone is a primary, or whether someone is a sweetie at all. When someone says "I don't think that's a good idea" and I take it seriously, that recognizes I think the person knows me well and has good judgement. It doesn't have anything to do with whether my relationship with the person is a priority.

[redbird]

In a sense, it's theoretical, the sort of relationship geeking that Q and I enjoy more than you do: I doubt I'd have time for another sweetie.

In another sense, while you three aren't the only people whose opinions or wishes I'd take into account in this regard, the degree of entanglement is such that I'd pay more attention to you three than to other people.

Mostly, I noticed that I was looking at it this way, which I wouldn't have six or even three months ago, and thought that worth noting.

[shikzoid.livejournal.com]

When I read this I can hear the wonder and delight in your voice. It warms the cockles of my heart.

What I find wonderful about your relationship dynamics is that people feel comfortable saying "I don't think that's a good idea". Many years ago I was in a relationship where I wasn't allowed to say things like that. I have since come to the conclusion that this is where all that Passive-Agressive behavior came from. I'm much better now.

Janice

[redbird]

It may also be worth noting, however, that this is in the subjunctive: I checked in with Andy before getting involved with Q, and then adrian_turtle, and with Q before Adrian and I got involved, and in each case it was fine all around. But I have yet to be interested in someone and have him/them suggest that it would be a bad idea.

I'm not sure if this is indicative more of how seldom I'm interested in someone who is also interested in me, or of my partners and I having similar enough views that the only likely "I think that would be a bad idea" would be someone I had just met who one of them already knew and had reason to be wary of.

[lcohen]

*smiles and smiles for you*