Filling in the gaps

[redbird]

From all over the place, but amended:

How many times has someone on your friends list posted about something and you were really confused, but you didn't want to ask because you knew you should know? How many times have you felt 'guilty' asking a close LJ friend a question that shouldbe 'obvious'?

Well, here's your chance.

If you've missed a few things, missed an entry and are confused, ask me anything. Even something extremely basic. I'm not allowed to get even slightly irritated at any of the questions - we've all missed things before. (Okay, I can't absolutely promise not to get irritated, since that's unpredictable--but I can and do promise that if I do, I will deal with it myself, probably with the help of julian_tiger or a cup of tea, and not take it out on anyone.)

Anonymous questions are fine.

Comments

[wilfulcait.livejournal.com]

Who are your spouses/lovers/extended family, and where do they all live? How did you get together with them? What are the relations between them like (how much contact, and so on)?

[redbird]

This is one I can't answer in full--there are reasons one of my partners is referred to online only as Q. [And no, I'm not going to state the reasons here, except to say that I'm satisfied that they're reasonable, though neither zie nor I like the necessity. And I'm using the non-gendered pronoun, in this case, precisely for vagueness.]

That said: my partners are cattitude, who lives with me in New York; Q, who lives in another city with zir partner W, also a close friend of mine; and adrian_turtle, who lives in Boston.

I've known Cattitude since we were in college together--we've been partners half my life, living together for almost that entire time. We got legally married a few years ago, because I decided that I wanted him to be my next of kin--I didn't trust my father enough, and while I trust my mother, she's several thousand miles away.

I got to know W online, and then met Q through W, several years ago. Eventually, Q and I figured out that as well as being close friends, we wanted to be lovers. We talked to our respective partners, and then happily went ahead. That was, I think, two and a half years ago. I'm not good on duration--after a while, things become "this is how I live" and part of a continuing present.

I met Adrian a bit over a year ago. We were both visiting papersky for New Year's. (I always spend New Year's there--a custom we established when she lived somewhere further away but not as cold, when I needed to run away from home at the end of 2001.) Adrian had seen some of what I posted, here and on Usenet, and I'd seen a bit of her stuff, but we hadn't been in contact before that.

Q and Adrian are friends, but don't see each other very often, for geographic reasons (the same reason I don't see either of them as much as I'd like). It's not so much that I'd like more total time with either of them--it's that I'd like to be able to have some of it in the form of an afternoon here and dinner there, rather than always having to find a weekend that both can arrange and have energy for, and put significant amounts of time into travel as part of the equation.

Cattitude likes both of them, and they like him, but he doesn't see them very often, in part because he's not that fond of traveling, and I do most of the traveling in both of my other relationships. It worked well to have Adrian with us for Thanksgiving last year. I don't know whether Cattitude would see them often if I were out of the picture--but I'm fairly confident that that isn't going to become a question anytime soon.

Other family: Papersky, rysmiel, and zorinth; Zorinth is my nephew-by-choice, his choice and mine. (That brings in a bit of connection to carandol, Zorinth's father. Family isn't transitive, but there is some connection.)

roadnotes, who I've known for thirty years. (We met in secondary school.)

My mother and I are quite close, despite the Atlantic Ocean (she's lived in London for about 15 years); other blood kin, less so.

I'm not in the mood to try to draw up a complete list, in part because the lines between family and good friend aren't sharp.

[wilfulcait.livejournal.com]

Thanks!

[gothgeekgirl.livejournal.com]

That said: my partners are cattitude, who lives with me in New York; Q, who lives in another city with zir partner W, also a close friend of mine; and adrian_turtle, who lives in Boston.

Ah, I'd been wondering myself, seeing the references to multiple partners. (I've been away a long time)

It's not so much that I'd like more total time with either of them--it's that I'd like to be able to have some of it in the form of an afternoon here and dinner there, rather than always having to find a weekend that both can arrange and have energy for, and put significant amounts of time into travel as part of the equation.

*nod* This is the main problem with all long distance relationships, I think. Certainly it's frustrated me mightily at times.

[redbird]

Yes, and it's good to be back in contact. (I'd been wondering how you've been doing.)

[orangemike.livejournal.com]

Why "redbird"?

[redbird]

It was my first tattoo. When I needed a username for a MOO athenais was running, I glanced at my arm, and typed in "redbird." By the time I got here, I was somewhat used to it--she occasionally calls me Redbird or Red--and "Vicki" was already taken.

Oh, and I'll answer the follow-up question: I knew I wanted a tattoo before I knew what image I wanted, and as I thought about it, cardinals seemed more and more fitting, the flash of color in the trees, especially in winter, because they're here all year round.

[threeringedmoon.livejournal.com]

Did you come up with "Defending Our Hard-Won Uncertainties" or should I recognize it from some place?

[redbird]

I came up with that.