plucked!

[redbird]

Some days, gender literally hurts. It's not that I want to be a man, physically or culturally. It's that there's something wrong with there being a gender whose members consider it entirely proper to pluck each others' facial hair out, because they aren't supposed to have any in the first place. Yes, I knew, abstractly, that this happened--but that's different from having my friendly, competent hairstylist convince me to let her assistant do this to my face. Denise--that's the hairstylist--after doing a good job on my hair, sold me on this process, something called "threading", claiming that it would look good for job interview, and that it wouldn't hurt much or take long. One out of three, I hope. It took a lot more than ten minutes, and hurt quite a bit more than I expected.

Once I agreed to try this, Marina-who-removes-hair wanted to do my eyebrows, too. I said no: "I like my eyebrows. They're good eyebrows." (If there's one good thing about this, it's that I've realized, consciously, that I like my eyebrows, and not just for cattitude to nibble on while talking about anchovies.) "Threading", in case anyone offers to do it to you, involves looping thread around hairs and yanking them out, sort of a wholesale version of tweezing. After doing this for quite some time, Marina admitted that it wasn't succeeding, and suggested using wax and then thread to get any remaining bits: she could see how much I was in pain, and it was bothering her. I wasn't up to arguing. The wax, indeed, hurt less than the thread had--the selling point of the process, in the first place, had been that it wouldn't hurt as much as waxing. And both Denise and Marina were surprised when, told that, I said I'd never had my hair waxed. Okay, now I have. If this is some kind of rite of passage, please give me my certificate so I don't have to do it over. Ever.

So I got through that, and I think Marina expects me to have her do it again: as I was wincing and demanding breaks every minute or less, she kept urging me not to shave, because, she said, the hair will come in thicker and be harder to pull out. This is, frankly, about as relevant to my life as the current list of pretenders to the French throne. Last time I was in there, she tried to sell me threading on the grounds that shaving was a male thing. Gender. Feh. As far as I can tell, the common factor in "feminine" methods of hair removal is that they hurt even when done right.

Also, my face was red and tender for a couple of hours afterward: there's not much point in having soft smooth skin if being touched on it hurts. Even after it was otherwise improved, yawning was painful.

I soothed my spirit, if not my skin, with duck and sweet ginger at Excellent Dumpling, then came home and Cattitude provided tea and sympathy.

It's almost six hours later, and my chin still hurts just sitting here at the computer, typing and drinking tea, not even touching it.

Oh, before all that, I went to the gym.

(I was a little short on time, which meant a shorter cardio, and a couple of Xpressline machines at the end instead of multiple sets using other equipment.)

Cardio, 25 minutes, top heart rate 150
Calf machine, 30 pounds, 3 sets of 15
Bench press, 60 pounds, 3 sets of 10 (I'd gotten tired of pushing for 14 reps at 50 pounds, so threw on an extra 10 just to see, and it worked.)
Seated leg curl, 85 pounds, 2 sets of 15; 80 pounds, 15
Tricep curl, 40 pounds, 2 sets of 15; 35 pounds, 15
Reverse wrist curl, 15 pounds, 3 sets of 15
Back arch with (55 cm) physio ball, 3 sets of 16
Lat pulldown, 70 pounds, 2 sets of 12
Bicep curl machine, 35 pounds, 10
Stretches

Comments

[yonmei.livejournal.com]

I have exactly one facial hair: it grows out of my chin and every so often, when it's long enough for me to notice it, I pluck it. I do this instinctively, (well, it feels like that) even though in principle (and in practice, on other women) I'm perfectly fine with women having facial hair. (Seriously. Had a friend with fairly dark hair and a slight but noticeable moustache, which she normally bleached: at the end of a longish trip, when she visited me, the bleach had worn off or whatever bleach does, the moustache was fully visible, and I very nearly swooned: I thought it was totally sexy. Which is not something I've ever thought about male facial hair.)

And, yes, I think you have lovely eyebrows, though I confess I have never wanted to nibble on them or talk about anchovies.

[apel.livejournal.com]

Ouch. Lady Remington is much gentler.

[pameladean]

Ow ow ow. I am so sorry.

I knew I was right to stay away from hairdressers. Sneaky non-consensual normers. Feh.

And fie on the interviewers. If they don't want a woman with hair on her face, the hell with them all.

Pamela

[misia.livejournal.com]

Oh dear, what an ordeal! I've plucked my eyebrows since approximately forever and a day, and I'm honestly not sure any more what the "natural" shape of my eyebrows is or would be after all this time.

At various times, I've also had my brows, chin, and upper lip waxed (because we Eastern European girls not just strong like ox, but also hairy like ox!), but I must say that I am grateful that I've always gone to someone who came to me with high praise from other inveterate hair-removers as being really skilled and I've always been lucky. I imagine my skin's probably just less sensitive to having the hairs plucked by now, too, particularly where my eyebrows are concerned. In any event, I've plucked, waxed, shaved, etc. a lot of hair off of my bod in my life, and I've never gone through anything quite so hard-core, or with that kind of lasting pain, in the hair-removal department.

I can certainly see why you'd refuse to contemplate ever doing it again! Yikes!

(Incidentally, if the skin's still puffy and tender, a cold tea bag as a compress will help bring the swelling down...)

[celestialabyss.livejournal.com]

Ouch! Yes, don't let her do that again! And I like your eyebrows (speaking as one whom (some) people would like to see less of them over my own eyes; I think in college I was persuaded to pluck them once or twice, but I never really did see the point to it...)

[elynne.livejournal.com]

(all of these are at-home - I don't trust anybody who depends on making other people "pretty" to pay their own rent)

I tried waxing my moustache and old-lady-wispy-throat-beard - it was mostly ineffective, rather painful, and very messy. I tried using an Epilady (with the vibrating springs that yank hair out by the roots), and it was excruciatingly painful. I tried using flat pliers, and that works pretty well for the long single hairs on my throat, but is ineffective and painful on my moustache.

And then I tried Nair, and that's about the end of the story. It is a bit painful when the creepy hair-destroying formula is taking effect, and I'm more than a little squicked by the fact that one of the active ingredients is "urea" (yes I know where that comes from), but it's effective, and if done right before a shower leaves me feeling smooth and relatively satisfied. The problem: I apparantly can't do it too often, or my skin starts rashing up. :P

My eyebrows stay. Period. Nobody touches my eyebrows.

[catamorphism.livejournal.com]

As far as I can tell, the common factor in "feminine" methods of hair removal is that they hurt even when done right.

Exactly. I honestly don't understand why anyone, male or female, removes hair from their face using any other method than shaving (or perhaps tweezers for isolated incidents). It works. (And the only reason I bother removing it in the first place is to look a little more manly, since female facial hair doesn't look like male facial hair, ironically enough.)

[negativeq.livejournal.com]

Around the same time you got plucked, I got waxed.
I share your pain, sistah.
Normally I don't mind waxing (I kinda like it, and I've waxed myself). However, a little over a week ago, I had shaved my legs, etc, something I don't normally do since shaving always seems to make things worse. Hair grows back thicker, and two hairs seem to sprout where there were one, etc. So there was enough growth left for me to want to get rid of it, but not enough for the hair to latch on to. In other words - YEOWTCH!
I've tried Nair and I can never get clean results from it. There's always some stubble left over. Nair seems to work better on the men that I tested the stuff on before I used it myself (well it DOES say perform a test 24 hours before application! =P )

[papersky.livejournal.com]

*hug*

You poor old thing. They pulled the hair out by the roots? I'd have confessed to anything even before they reached for the wax.

I never go to hairdressers. Never. They make me hate women. There's a certain kind of thing -- and Elise's "femme thang" reminded me of it uncomfortably -- which says that you have two choices, artificial man, or owning seventy-six shades of lipstick and idolizing Mae West.

It leaves no space for people like you and me, and it bugs me a lot. And have you noticed you never get women like us in fiction?

I don't have many facial hairs, and I cut them off occasionally with nailscissors. I leave the rest of the hair alone, though every couple of years I get Rysmiel to hack off a foot or so of my head hair.

I waxed my legs once -- once was enough.

I was once reading someone else's Cosmo in the bathroom and on page one was an ad for Cream Hair Remover -- no cutting yourself shaving, no painful wax! On page two was an ad for wzx -- no cutting yourself shaving, no skin-destroying chemicals! On page 3 was an ad for Lady Razor -- no agonizing wax, no skin destroying chemicals. On the whole, if you have to get rid of some hair, cutting yourself shaving now and then seems safest and least repulsive. Then again, it's something sick about society that it's necessary to meet someone else's standards of beauty in order to get a job that has nothing to do with what you look like.

I do hope they want you, and I hope they'd have wanted you even if you'd been the Bearded Lady herself.

[pantryslut.livejournal.com]

Except that elise's poem (and Mae West) reminds us that it's an act and a conscious choice, not the default option for women.

Apparently, many hairdressers do not.

[papersky.livejournal.com]

I'm not saying it's not just fine as a conscious choice, I'm saying defining people into either that or men, real or ersatz, bothers me a lot. The rest of the space for people to exist in isn't "butch".

[pantryslut.livejournal.com]

I didn't mean to imply that you were. I was trying to draw attention to the fact that the hairdressers seem to be doing more than defining restrictive conceptual categories -- they're enforcing that notion rather more than the usual suspect. And without asking first (without allowing that it's a choice -- and I suspect that "ersatz man" isn't a choice on their radar either, fwiw). That's all.

[redbird]

It's fine as a choice. What I resent is the idea (and there may well be some truth to it, which is worse) that if I don't fit a certain style of body, nobody is going to care that I'm qualified for a job.

What's really weird is the related idea that there are right and wrong ways to get that appearance: not just "thou shalt not have hair on thy chin" but that it's unfeminine to use a razor there, and equally unfeminine that I don't shave my legs and armpits. I don't know what the people who interview me are going to ask this afternoon, but I'd be astonished if it included "how do you keep your chin so smooth?"

[pantryslut.livejournal.com]

Yes, I am fascinated (and if I'd had my chin threaded, I'd probably be furious) by the notion that it's not just hair removal patterns that are gendered, but hair removal techniques. I kinda knew this (and some girls I know get a kick out of shaving their faces because it's male-identified), but it's still odd.

As for the issue with jobs and appearance -- I have a bad job interview experience in my past that relates to these issues, but I'd prefer not to share the details in public, because it was an odd situation and there were other factors going on as well. But let's just say that it's quite probable I was passed up for promotion once because of my appearance. (But not because I did or didn't shave/pluck/Nair/etc. my chin.)

But I wouldn't go so far as to say *nobody* is going to care about your skills. Otherwise, girls with hair on their chin would never get employed, eh?

[trinker.livejournal.com]

But it's not universally gendered.

Japanese women get their facial hair shaved when they go to the salon.

Hair removal

[maryread.livejournal.com]

We could go on about this all night. I am just back in town from the wilds of Ohio, and the church ladies social, and the calligraphic arts world where I have been painting on bodies again. But I thot I'd say hi. This strikes me as local anthropology. In a culture that wonders about tattoos, I have to wonder what exactly is the issue other than aesthetics.

FWIW, I rather like waxing my brows. Feels good. Believe it or don't. And then if I really pare them down they look so elegant. My hair guy (who knows about this stuff, the aesthetician) has got me onto this again after years of letting it slide. Upper lip is another matter. Very painful, and whatever ointment of tea tree or magical topical aenesthetic we have on hand for application after the sudden event is a fine thing indeed. I found some kind of similar preparation at the drugstore, sugar based maybe on little cellophane application strips, with magical ointment after, that works fine. Then the legs I treat regularly in season with either the razor or the Nair, which takes longer but leaves them rather softer and silkier. Not that anyone knows. Sometimes I let it all go for months on end. But I have just been hanging with women who have big hair! painting cuffs on my roommates! so it is all up for grabs.

I have discussed the whole matter with Mr S who is only technologically interested in the prospect of depilating his face, which grows pale, but thick. Razor is clearly the least daily damage. One must present the proper social appearance, and the kid can still make do with an electric shaver. I had one once.

[liv]

Much sympathy!

This horror story rather confirms me in my attitude against hair removal. I've never tried to remove any hair by any method (or let anyone else at it). I wish I could claim this was some kind of political statement, but really, it's purely a mixture of laziness and wimpishness about pain.

[ala-too.livejournal.com]

Ouch. I've never heard of the threading process before but nothing you've described makes me want to entertain it. I've done waxing once in my life. While it wasn't particularly painful on my eyebrows, it was horrible on my legs (which have thick--for a woman--hair naturally). It did stay well for quite a long period of time though. Since I was going on a vacation where swimming and water skiing daily was planned, that was convenient. The pain has kept me away from that process though.

Nair does seem to work for me but just hanging out for that long without touching something is very awkward.