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[cross-posted from a Making Light open thread]
I am starting to think that real and/or effective apologies tend to be brief. Otherwise they go from "I'm sorry for this mistake, I understand how it must have upset you" through "I can't deny that I'd be bothered too" to "While I'd like to attempt to 'explain' how it happened, I understand that a) an explanation won't undo what was done and b) in the end, as the writer and editor of the newsletter's content, the buck must stop with me."
And then several paragraphs of attempting to explain how it happened, including naming someone else who was involved and implying that it was more her fault than his. (That he referred to her as "the young woman who handles data entry" doesn't help.)
Since I can't think of anything useful to say to this person, given that he is no longer involved with the organization in question, I'm posting here rather than try to give him a brief course in how not to apologize.
[On the underlying issue, I am more amused than annoyed: my high school alumnae/i association somehow decided that two alumni with the same surname must be married rather than siblings, and mentioned us in an article about married alumni. It's the sort of thing that makes a person wonder about alumni publications.]
ETA April 17: Yesterday I got an apology from the head of the Alumnae/i Association. Again, she notes that a simple check should have caught the error, and that the problem was probably human error in the original data entry: but it's brief, and doesn't imply that this means she, the editor, or the organization aren't responsible. (I almost didn't read the email, because it was from an unknown name with no subject, but that's a separate issue of How to Do It.)
I am starting to think that real and/or effective apologies tend to be brief. Otherwise they go from "I'm sorry for this mistake, I understand how it must have upset you" through "I can't deny that I'd be bothered too" to "While I'd like to attempt to 'explain' how it happened, I understand that a) an explanation won't undo what was done and b) in the end, as the writer and editor of the newsletter's content, the buck must stop with me."
And then several paragraphs of attempting to explain how it happened, including naming someone else who was involved and implying that it was more her fault than his. (That he referred to her as "the young woman who handles data entry" doesn't help.)
Since I can't think of anything useful to say to this person, given that he is no longer involved with the organization in question, I'm posting here rather than try to give him a brief course in how not to apologize.
[On the underlying issue, I am more amused than annoyed: my high school alumnae/i association somehow decided that two alumni with the same surname must be married rather than siblings, and mentioned us in an article about married alumni. It's the sort of thing that makes a person wonder about alumni publications.]
ETA April 17: Yesterday I got an apology from the head of the Alumnae/i Association. Again, she notes that a simple check should have caught the error, and that the problem was probably human error in the original data entry: but it's brief, and doesn't imply that this means she, the editor, or the organization aren't responsible. (I almost didn't read the email, because it was from an unknown name with no subject, but that's a separate issue of How to Do It.)
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But, yes. Brief is best; the more you try to say, the more tangled up you get in it, when for the most part using fewer words gets the message across better.