Age and appearance: two recent events

[redbird]

A couple of weeks ago, someone (friends-locked) was talking about how she dressed, and why, and said something about expecting that she would "age out of pretty altogether", and that even if she could still dress well then, it wouldn't be as effective, because of the competition from younger, prettier women. My reaction was an odd certainty that I didn't need to worry about that anymore.

I don't know if I was ever pretty in the sense she's talking about, but what I have now is something equally real and less ephemeral, I think. It's not just personality; I know my partners like looking at me.

The almost immediate follow-up to the thought that I didn't need to worry about aging out of my looks was to wonder when and where I got that self-confidence. I'm still not sure, but it's there. Not always, and not about everything, but somewhere along the line I've gotten a lot more comfortable with how I look. Not just in terms of not fretting about it, not wanting to spend a lot of money and time on it, but that I look good.

Last Sunday, I bought cough syrup at a Walgreen's in Cambridge, Mass. The cashier started to ask for my ID, and as I reached for it corrected himself, saying that he only needed my date of birth, which I gave him. I don't know if not selling dextromethorphan to people under 18 is store or state policy, but he clearly was sure that I was old enough, so it didn't actually matter if the answer I gave him was valid. (It was: I can reel off two or three zip codes other than my own without thinking, but asked date of birth and I'll either tell the truth or maybe ask why you want to know. More likely the former.)

Comments

[cakmpls.livejournal.com]

I find the concept of being in "competition" with "younger, prettier women" just kind of...I don't know...I just don't relate to it...

Someone else mentioned in an LJ entry having once had a boyfriend "stolen" from her--another concept I just don't grasp.

It's something like this: relationships between human beings don't feel like a contest to me. Or like a zero-sum game. (I suspect that I have some personality traits that would work well with polyamory; what I lack is, I think, the energy.)

It's late and I'm babbling. But I had been thinking about that other LJ post, and then yours came along.

[papersky.livejournal.com]

I also saw that post.

I have never been pretty, never been the most attractive person in the room, and human relationships don't feel like a contest to me either -- but I've often sensed that the prettier women did feel they were competing, and that they were eliminating me in the first round. It was odd to see that confirmed, because generally if you ask people why they are making all that effort they say it is because they like to.

[cakmpls.livejournal.com]

I have never been pretty, never been the most attractive person in the room, ... but I've often sensed that the prettier women did feel they were competing, and that they were eliminating me in the first round.

Yes, same here. (And once in a while, those women who eliminated me got a bit of a surprise.)

However, I don't think "never been the most attractive person in the room" quite fits, because there are other types of attractiveness. There are some people who are attracted only to conventionally good-looking people, no matter who else is around. But lots of people do feel the pull of other kinds of attractiveness: I think that self-esteem and self-confidence and genuine interest in and friendliness toward others are some of the factors that draw others to a person. I have often seen someone who was by no means that most conventionally attractive person be the center of attention in a room. (Heck, I've occasionally been that center of attention, and I'm sure you have, too.)