Random thoughts on truth-telling

[redbird]

I was proofreading some vocabulary cards this morning: the front of each of these has a vocabulary word or phrase, and the back has a definition (sometimes topic-specific, and suited to fourth graders) and an example sentence. I'm supposed to be looking for spelling and other obvious errors: things like "lived and in" for "and lived in". But one of the example sentences says that polar bears live at the north pole. I suggested a change to "in the Far North", because polar bears don't live at the North Pole, and can't: they need land. I mentioned this to someone else on this project, when she noticed that I was flagging more things than she was; she expressed surprise that polar bears don't live at the north pole. And that is one of the reasons not to lie to children: 15 or 20 years later, they'll still believe that falsehood, because why would they have checked it? Another reason is that if they catch you lying, you lose confidence, and it becomes harder to tell them what they need to know.

I sometimes say that I'd rather not lie about things because it's too complicated: if I start doing that, I have to keep track of two or more stories, and who I've said what to. It's quite enough keeping track of who I've discussed certain topics with, and who I haven't, without that. But it's not just that, nor is it just that telling the truth becomes a habit. It's also that I want to be seen, as much as possible, as who and how I am. Not talking about things can prevent that; lying about them is worse, I think. The latter can distort not only how other people see me, but my own perception, either because I lose track of which version is true or because I get used to being treated as something other than what I am.

Some of that is inevitable: most of us don't have the time, skills, or in most cases the inclination to see each other whole. But I would like the facets seen to be accurate reflections, not painted scenery and funhouse mirrors.

Comments

[nancylebov.livejournal.com]

Another reason for not lying to children is that, if they do notice, they might conclude that telling the truth isn't important.

Also (and I'll get the source if you're interested), there's been research showing that people get amazingly attached to the first version that they hear of something unfamiliar.

[dichroic.livejournal.com]

Yet another is, sometimes it comes out looking as if it's the children who are not important.

[king-tirian.livejournal.com]

My two biggest pet peeves that we teach children without analysis is (a) that polar bears and penguins co-exist when they actually live at opposite poles, and (b) pictures like http://www.ferglib.org/ferg/images/stars_moon.jpg that draw stars inside the arc of a crescent moon as if the moon isn't always a solid sphere. Oh, and maybe (c) people using the "generic" male pronoun to refer to cows and hens.

[dichroic.livejournal.com]

A book I like a lot is

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A book I like a lot is <i.The Quaker Book of Wisdom</i> I've recommended it a lot, but interestingly, to different people for different reasons. It has a section on absolute truth-telling (which I hadn't known was a Quaker principle), and has a good discussion on things like lying by omission or by implication (one example story he tells is about 'regifting', and whether it counts as a lie or not).