I was proofreading some vocabulary cards this morning: the front of each of these has a vocabulary word or phrase, and the back has a definition (sometimes topic-specific, and suited to fourth graders) and an example sentence. I'm supposed to be looking for spelling and other obvious errors: things like "lived and in" for "and lived in". But one of the example sentences says that polar bears live at the north pole. I suggested a change to "in the Far North", because polar bears don't live at the North Pole, and can't: they need land. I mentioned this to someone else on this project, when she noticed that I was flagging more things than she was; she expressed surprise that polar bears don't live at the north pole. And that is one of the reasons not to lie to children: 15 or 20 years later, they'll still believe that falsehood, because why would they have checked it? Another reason is that if they catch you lying, you lose confidence, and it becomes harder to tell them what they need to know.
I sometimes say that I'd rather not lie about things because it's too complicated: if I start doing that, I have to keep track of two or more stories, and who I've said what to. It's quite enough keeping track of who I've discussed certain topics with, and who I haven't, without that. But it's not just that, nor is it just that telling the truth becomes a habit. It's also that I want to be seen, as much as possible, as who and how I am. Not talking about things can prevent that; lying about them is worse, I think. The latter can distort not only how other people see me, but my own perception, either because I lose track of which version is true or because I get used to being treated as something other than what I am.
Some of that is inevitable: most of us don't have the time, skills, or in most cases the inclination to see each other whole. But I would like the facets seen to be accurate reflections, not painted scenery and funhouse mirrors.
I sometimes say that I'd rather not lie about things because it's too complicated: if I start doing that, I have to keep track of two or more stories, and who I've said what to. It's quite enough keeping track of who I've discussed certain topics with, and who I haven't, without that. But it's not just that, nor is it just that telling the truth becomes a habit. It's also that I want to be seen, as much as possible, as who and how I am. Not talking about things can prevent that; lying about them is worse, I think. The latter can distort not only how other people see me, but my own perception, either because I lose track of which version is true or because I get used to being treated as something other than what I am.
Some of that is inevitable: most of us don't have the time, skills, or in most cases the inclination to see each other whole. But I would like the facets seen to be accurate reflections, not painted scenery and funhouse mirrors.
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Also (and I'll get the source if you're interested), there's been research showing that people get amazingly attached to the first version that they hear of something unfamiliar.
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