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serenejournal put it today.
I know that part of my lack of interest in Valentine's Day is connected to my general lack of interest in organized/scheduled holidays the rest of the year. Another part is that it's too often used, not as a celebration of love, but as a way of making single people--and anyone whose life isn't in a neat heterosexual couple, for that matter--feel excluded. And, of course, it's a serious Hallmark Holiday.
Besides, I'm not thrilled with a cultural structure that makes it difficult for me to shop for chocolate--something I very much like--at certain times of year.
However, I wonder if my difficulty in time-binding, in remembering how long ago things were and sometimes even what happened after which, is exacerbated by, or shares a cause with, that dislike of tracking holidays and anniversaries and such.
copperwise posted about why she does like Valentine's Day, because it also pressures people to acknowledge their partners and lovers. There's some good discussion out of that, including a remark by rysmiel about not getting or doing romance.
And I'm not sure if I do or not, because there may be more definitions of romance than of love. Or as many (even if we discard the ones that are purely literary). If this post has a purpose, it's to remind me to return to some of these thoughts.
serenejournal put it today.I know that part of my lack of interest in Valentine's Day is connected to my general lack of interest in organized/scheduled holidays the rest of the year. Another part is that it's too often used, not as a celebration of love, but as a way of making single people--and anyone whose life isn't in a neat heterosexual couple, for that matter--feel excluded. And, of course, it's a serious Hallmark Holiday.
Besides, I'm not thrilled with a cultural structure that makes it difficult for me to shop for chocolate--something I very much like--at certain times of year.
However, I wonder if my difficulty in time-binding, in remembering how long ago things were and sometimes even what happened after which, is exacerbated by, or shares a cause with, that dislike of tracking holidays and anniversaries and such.
copperwise posted about why she does like Valentine's Day, because it also pressures people to acknowledge their partners and lovers. There's some good discussion out of that, including a remark by rysmiel about not getting or doing romance.And I'm not sure if I do or not, because there may be more definitions of romance than of love. Or as many (even if we discard the ones that are purely literary). If this post has a purpose, it's to remind me to return to some of these thoughts.
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Most people can understand the excluded-because-you-are-single feeling, and if we're lucky it's just a memory. I don't remember it being worse on Valentine's Day, partly because my lonely times were much more about feeling excluded from the happiness of people I actually knew, so that a holiday didn't really add to that loneliness.
I don't think of Valentine's Day as being particularly excluding to non-heterosexuals, though; my friends of other flavors seem to celebrate it as much as any other group does, and I am happy that Valentine's Day is no longer exclusively the property of one group. Perhaps it is a foreshadowing of the day when marriage will also be open to all. Co-opt and subvert the system from within.
Sometimes, I have written and sent Valentine's cards to friends who I love (but who were not lovers in the physical sense), and it was important to me to have an occasion to do so that was not bound up in birthdays, or Christmas. Fandom friends seem more comfortable with the idea that you can send Valentines to multiple people, and that is one of the things that makes the holiday fun for me. If there really were a successful cultural rule that I could only send one Valentine, to the person who was The One (In A Very Real and Legally Binding Sense), I'd enjoy it less.
A final thought, which would not have occured to me without your post. I have several friends who are currently single or having relationship troubles. How do they feel about Valentine's Day, and is there something I can do to make them feel loved?
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