Noodling

[redbird]

Yes, true is complex (as serenejournal put it today.

I know that part of my lack of interest in Valentine's Day is connected to my general lack of interest in organized/scheduled holidays the rest of the year. Another part is that it's too often used, not as a celebration of love, but as a way of making single people--and anyone whose life isn't in a neat heterosexual couple, for that matter--feel excluded. And, of course, it's a serious Hallmark Holiday.

Besides, I'm not thrilled with a cultural structure that makes it difficult for me to shop for chocolate--something I very much like--at certain times of year.

However, I wonder if my difficulty in time-binding, in remembering how long ago things were and sometimes even what happened after which, is exacerbated by, or shares a cause with, that dislike of tracking holidays and anniversaries and such.

copperwise posted about why she does like Valentine's Day, because it also pressures people to acknowledge their partners and lovers. There's some good discussion out of that, including a remark by rysmiel about not getting or doing romance.

And I'm not sure if I do or not, because there may be more definitions of romance than of love. Or as many (even if we discard the ones that are purely literary). If this post has a purpose, it's to remind me to return to some of these thoughts.

Comments

Re: Noodling

[pir-anha.livejournal.com]

*boggle*. if my partners needed to be pressured to acknowledge me, v-day attention would be entirely insufficient, and we would actually not be partners at all. society applies all sorts of pressures i don't care for, and i am still working on giving my partners more freedom from them, since they've unfortunately picked up some, and feel at times inadequate (when they are anything but).

i'm with you, i don't care for hallmark holidays.

Re: Noodling

[redbird]

copperwise is coming at this from an angle I'm happy not to have experienced or come anywhere close to: of having been someone's "secret girlfriend", the person they were happy to have sex with but not to be seen with in public.

That's not something I'd ever have been willing to put up with. (I've hidden a couple of relationships from parents--one reason of many that I'm glad to be a grown-up is that I don't have to do that anymore--but not because my loves were embarrassed or otherwise unwilling to be seen with me.)

Re: Noodling

[pir-anha.livejournal.com]

*ugh*. oh yeah, i was once put into that position, and decided it wasn't for me. i feel for people who don't believe they deserve better (though if it is because there's cheating going on, they carry some of the responsibility for that).

i still don't see how pressuring the sad sack of doodoo who's hiding their relationship into v-day gifts improves that situation.

Re: Noodling

[cakmpls.livejournal.com]

That's not something I'd ever have been willing to put up with.

Same here. I was a bit hesitant to say that over in the discussion in copperwise's LJ, because it can come off sounding like ". . . so what's the matter with you," which is not the way I would mean it any more than you. It's a simple statement of fact. I often think it would be helpful if people could have honest discussions around the question of why some people put up with such treatment and some don't, even when they have similar backgrounds, for example. But it seems so difficult to avoid having at least some of those who do put up with it feel some implication of that ". . . so what's the matter with you"--in my experience.