some vaguely connected things

[redbird]

I've gotten into a discussion on alt.polyamory in which it's becoming clear that, while the first poster and I probably have different ideas about romantic/sexual relationships, we definitely have very different ideas about what friendship is. Either that, or we're going to turn out to mean similar things by "friend" and different things by "fun" and "commitment." Not all my friends are chosen family, but some definitely are; he seems to draw much sharper lines between friends and partners than I do.

In the last week, I've been told "you two are so cute" by two different people, who were referring to different values of "you two." The second was a neighbor, referring to me and cattitude; she also said we make it look easy. I don't especially seek cuteness, but it seems to be how other people are seeing affection and a feeling of security.

Two of my friends (not at the chosen-family or committed level, but people I like, and both of whom who are on my friends list here) have recently broken up, and I'm seeing it from both their perspectives. This leaves me sympathetic toward both of them, and disinclined to comment to either. It's not a fear of breaking confidences; I just really don't know what to say beyond "I hope things get better for you soon."

Comments

[snippy]

Reading that thread, I keep muttering "that's not even wrong." Orthogonal world views!

[purpletigron.livejournal.com]

who were referring to different values of "you two

That sounds nice :-)

This leaves me sympathetic toward both of them

I keep ending up in this situation - being the only person talking to everyone, that kind of thing. Often, I have no choice but to carry on talking to everyone, too. So, I've developed coping mechanisms, where I try to convey useful information without betraying any confidences, and I do remind everyone periodically that I am talking to everyone else. It's confusing and uncomfortable.

[stealthpup.livejournal.com]

But what else is there to be done? I've been in that boat before, and I've occasionally made the attempt to build bridges between the disparate worldviews. Not terribly successfully, and it has the potential to backfire spectacularly, though.

[purpletigron.livejournal.com]

There's very little that can be done: lend an ear; try to tactfully point it out when you know that something false is being asserted; try to persuade people to keep an open mind; facilitate direct communication if possible...

And look after yourself and your (other) loved ones carefully, that you don't get burnt in the cross-fire!