Taking myself seriously

[redbird]

I signed up for Nanowrimo as a lark, a thing to do while unemployed, and to see if I could do it. A game/project for one month.

I didn't count on taking it seriously. I'm a third of the way through December, and wrestling with this novel and these aliens. Thinking about naming, about the appearance and habits of giant squid, about how to connect different plot threads.

Nobody told me it would be easy to write. But I thought it would be easier not to. Instead, I'm sitting here, frustrated because the words won't come--oh, LiveJournal words are flowing, but I don't know what any of my characters are going to do next--but not content to just say "the hell with it" and play nethack or work on a Turbo zine or, well, anything.

Tomorrow or the day after, I'll have to start on a paid nonfiction project. I'll probably get lots of ideas then, when the novel can be work avoidance behavior again.

Comments

[rysmiel.livejournal.com]

Easier not to write ? I don't quite get how "maniacs in the head" interacts with "ingrained guilt ethic" for me, but one of the ways of telling something's alive, for me, is when not writing - to the extent of not trying to get something down at least once a week - is actively uncomfortable in ways that do not explain well to people who don't write, and trying and failing's uncomfortable in different ways. Sole exception being, apparently, when congoing or something like, where there's so much else to keep track of that the interior maniacs seem willing to be distracted.

I'm glad it's becoming a serious thing, and I hope your characters sort themselves out and the frustration goes away.