I have been to see Soren

[redbird]

After work today, I went to Brooklyn to visit baldanders in the hospital, and simultaneously to give roadnotes some emotional support.

Baldanders has a lot of friends, and a lot of them were there today, offering various sorts of practical help, large and small. He was intermittently aware, enough to smile once or twice when Roadnotes said something, and to squeeze her hand. I don't know if he registered who the rest of us were; that's minor, right now.

They sent him for another CAT scan; if I understood correctly, there's a little more bleeding since yesterday morning (there hadn't been any change from Monday to Tuesday on that), and they're treating that with medicine that should reduce or prevent swelling (mannitol). For the moment, IV hydration and not worrying about food, since we can do without for quite a while and feeding tubes are unpleasant. Earlier in the day, the hospital staff—I'm not sure if it was the same doctor as spoke to Roadnotes this evening—had given her the impression that they were definitely going to use a feeding tube.

Roadnotes, cattitude, and I had dinner afterwards at a nearby Chinese restaurant. After consulting with her, I am going to Arlington after work tomorrow, a plan made before Soren had the stroke. There are lots of people here to help right now; we'll be on call as needed, now and later.

We talked a bit about tnh having made it clear to Soren that he needed to go to the hospital, and Roadnotes said that for Soren, TNH is in some ways a voice of authority, and that it's good to know who those are for people you care about. Then she looked at me and said "You're mine.…or one of them." I don't know if I have one, though as I remarked to Cattitude, if he and either rysmiel or adrian_turtle said I should do something, I probably would. If all three of them did, almost certainly.

I will be taking my cell phone with me this weekend, as usual, and making more of an effort than I often do while visiting Adrian to have it with me while we're out and about.

Comments

[dichroic.livejournal.com]

That seems like a smart idea, making it clear to those around you whose voice you're likely to listen to even if you're in a diminished state.

That's another way to look at something my brother said the other day. He was in a bad accident (car was totalled, he was unhurt) and tends to be loathe to visit doctors unless someone forces him. He told me that he told his fiancee he'd go to the emergency room if she said she wanted him to. (As opposed to saying "Well, it might be a good idea...") My thought at the time was that it seemed unfair to make her The Keeper of the Common Sense, but after all, he would still have been a bit shaky. Maybe a better way to think of it is that he was designating her as his Voice of Authority, and trying to make her realize what that entails.

Maybe that's part of why you say you don't have one; you're pretty sensible and I'd bet your partners have rarely ever needed to invoke any authority on you. I suspect one of them saying "This is important: you need to do [whatever] now," would have a much greater effect than saying "You know, I think maybe you should..." Fortunately, I strongly suspect your partners are smart enough and assertive enough to know which is needed. (My brother's fiancee is smart enough, but she's still working on assertive.)

[bibliofile.livejournal.com]

It's not just whether you yourself are sensible, I think, but how much you trust the other person.

And yes, thanks for the detailed update. Tell Adrian that we say hello.

[adrian-turtle.livejournal.com]

Redbird and I take turns being each other's authority, just as we take turns being the one who needs to be taken care of. It works pretty well.