In time, I hope

[redbird]

I just wrote a difficult note.

Not difficult because of anything I've done, or not done. It's an "I'm thinking of you" to a friend who is most likely dying. We aren't and never were incredibly close--that would be a different kind of difficult. But after I posted a cheerful/encouraging message on the Web site her friends are maintaining to keep people informed of how she's doing, I got email from one of her sisters, urging me to get in touch with her soon, while I can.

It's hard to know what to say, when what you want to say is "I miss you, and I'm sorry there won't be a chance for us to catch up and get to know each other better." I did my best--I said I'm thinking of her, and a bit about seeing her at Orycons, and her fine nephew. I used a pretty card, and added stickers to the envelope, to maybe supplement the words I'd had trouble finding.

That'll go out with tomorrow's mail pickup, and I hope it will make its way west in time for my friend to read it, and maybe be lifted a bit thereby. If modern medical science can't do much more for her, neither can I, not from this distance: but words and affection are not empty.

Comments

[athenais.livejournal.com]

I think your note will reach her in time. I saw her over the weekend and she's in surprisingly good condition under the circumstances. But yes, she's probably not with us for more than a few months and yes, kindly words and affection are very important to her at this time.

[tsjafo.livejournal.com]

Prayers and good thoughts on the way.

[rdkeir.livejournal.com]

kind thoughts to you and your friend. This is never easy.

Intangible things like words and affection are not empty: they are things that cannot be broken or lost.

[yonmei.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry.

[dejaspirit.livejournal.com]

Yeah, those are the ones you need to write yourself. I'm afraid Hallmark fails miserably in that department unless you're ultra-religious. ::offers support::

[wouldyoueva.livejournal.com]

You may be more important to her than you realize and the note may be more helpful than you know in that regard. I had a casual con friend who had a troubled married life (at least, her first marriage. The second marriage seemed happy). We had some conversations and once did a con tourist outing with our similarly-aged children in tow but she died unexpectedly a few years ago. I wrote a note to her widower in sympathy and was surprised when I was mentioned in her eulogy and someone she enjoyed spending time me with at cons.

What a nice thing for you to do. It means a lot.

[pnh.livejournal.com]

Not coincidentally, I've had recent occasion to write a very similar note, and the circumstances certainly do concentrate the mind on that which is important, simple, and primary.

It's hard.

[redbird]

Even if we were both religious, Hallmark wouldn't be appropriate--the point is personal contact. (Otherwise, I could have gotten a simple "thinking of you" preprinted card.)

Then again, I don't send _any_ preprinted cards these days: even if the message is as simple as "Happy Birthday", I prefer to write it myself, using a blank card.

[daystreet.livejournal.com]

...but words and affection are not empty.

Indeed not. It's always hard to know what to say. It's hard not to wonder if you said the "right thing". There is no "right thing", of course, except the reaffirming of the connection itself. Whatever you said and however you said it, I'm sure it will be deeply appreciated.

[ala-too.livejournal.com]

I guessed who you were talking about and made my way back to hear that things don't seem to be going well (and saw your posting there). Like you I'm not incredibly close but we've known each other for a long time. I wasn't sure what to say this time (I'd left a prior posting early on). What's the right protocol when the outlook seems, at best, unclear? Hope you get well seems so hollow. Anyone else better at this than me?