![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
This is expanded from a comment in someone else's journal (to a friends-locked post, so I'm not naming zir):
Two random thoughts:
•A person who my chosen-kin and I were most recently referring to as "that schmuck" was being condescending and aggressive toward one of said kin a while back, in a public place. This led to, among other things, my preparing to get between him and the person he was being rude to--because I'm not a trained fighter, but you don't mess with my family. I was being generous, caring, and loyal--but not "nice". And the only reason I'm eliding his name here is because my friend was embarrassed by the whole thing.
•"I'm not good, I'm not nice, I'm just right"--Stephen Sondheim, Into the Woods
Which is to say, or at least suggest, that "nice" isn't a virtue; at best, it's a style. In that sense, it's like using etiquette to say "Sir, I do not know you" rather than "get out of my face, you asshole", and thus not making trouble for your host if someone you refuse to deal with is invited to the same event that you are. At worst, it's the "don't make waves" that oppressors are always teaching us. "Nice" is something girls are supposed to be, far more than boys: "sugar and spice and everything nice." Sweet and harmless--though ginger and chili, cinnamon and garlic and cumin, aren't mild or innocuous. Delightful, often, but not "nice".
Two random thoughts:
•A person who my chosen-kin and I were most recently referring to as "that schmuck" was being condescending and aggressive toward one of said kin a while back, in a public place. This led to, among other things, my preparing to get between him and the person he was being rude to--because I'm not a trained fighter, but you don't mess with my family. I was being generous, caring, and loyal--but not "nice". And the only reason I'm eliding his name here is because my friend was embarrassed by the whole thing.
•"I'm not good, I'm not nice, I'm just right"--Stephen Sondheim, Into the Woods
Which is to say, or at least suggest, that "nice" isn't a virtue; at best, it's a style. In that sense, it's like using etiquette to say "Sir, I do not know you" rather than "get out of my face, you asshole", and thus not making trouble for your host if someone you refuse to deal with is invited to the same event that you are. At worst, it's the "don't make waves" that oppressors are always teaching us. "Nice" is something girls are supposed to be, far more than boys: "sugar and spice and everything nice." Sweet and harmless--though ginger and chili, cinnamon and garlic and cumin, aren't mild or innocuous. Delightful, often, but not "nice".