I like my alternate reality

[redbird]

On my way from a doctor's appointment (routine checkup) to Chinatown (for clementines), I saw an ad/sticker that was basically saying "don't take chances when dating" and pushing a Web site, and my reaction was something like "who needs to date?"

Also, one of the items in a newspaper advice column was about "dating clothes", with the columnist saying that yes, the person writing should get some of these if she wanted to date. Maybe, but I certainly don't need them to have satisfying relationships: this may be related to the fact that I'd rather sit naked in a sweetie's kitchen and talk than get dressed up and go out to a noisy club.

Comments

[beginning.livejournal.com]

One of the main reasons I have no interest in dating is that I don't want to "date" — that is, I don't want to go out and do things that I have no interest in just as an excuse to get to know someone. I don't like going to the movies, I'm not a big concert person, I don't dance at all, I hate talking during meals, and alcohol isn't my thing at all. I also hate talking on the phone, which seems to be a requirement of the dating scene.

When getting to know people, I'd much prefer to just sit down and have a conversation, maybe do some volunteer work together, or even do something as "boring" as go to the library or a used book sale together. That's a lot more interesting to me than wearing tight clothes and having to "pretty up" before every encounter. If that's the stuff I'd need to go through in order to have a partner, I'll stick with my hermitness. It suits me, and there's no posturing, awkward conversation, or unnecessary bills at the end of the night.

belated comment

[redbird]

Going to a used book store/sale with friends is a very good way to spend time, whether it's people I already know well or someone I'm getting to know. Come to think, I've been doing quite a bit of used book shopping with my out-of-town sweeties (New York isn't a good city for used book shopping, I think because rents are too high to support many used book stores).

[adrian-turtle.livejournal.com]

I suspect the writers of the sticker were thinking of "taking chances while dating" differently than you or I would. I think of dating as unpleasantly risky because one might end up dating a person one doesn't end up liking very much, and it seems icky to move towards intimate, romantic stuff without liking a person quite a lot. The writers of the sticker DO live in an alternate reality, where "taking chances while dating" is a shorthand reference to the terrible risk that one might accidentally date someone who is married or otherwise attached. This is the worst imaginable outcome, in their reality, dontcha know.

[redbird]

Well, I certainly want to know whether the people I'm involved with are already attached: but there's no wrong answer to that, just as there's no wrong answer to "what gender is this person?"

[papersky.livejournal.com]

Really? I assumed it meant "...use a condom", or just possibly "...they might be an axe murderer!"

When I was in university, the "Women's Handbook" had a whole chapter about date rape and how to avoid it, including things like "make sure your friends know who you went out with and when you're supposed to be back" and "always carry money for emergency taxis". It probably wasn't called "don't take risks when dating" but it could have been.

The next chapter was all about contraception, though not AIDS, this wasn't before AIDS but it was before widespread information about AIDS.

My general opinion on dates is that I don't like them but I know where I can buy them at two packets for a dollar if I want them.

[redbird]

I wasn't taking notes, but I think the text was something close to "men are slime".

If I believed that...well, if I believed that I'd have a very different set of friends as well as partners. But if I were a heterosexual woman who believed that, I'd have a problem.

[r-ness.livejournal.com]

Often I read LJ posts which remind me just how far outside the mainstream I live. Generally, they're by other people living closer to me than the mainstream, so that's fine.

This is one of them.

I mean, I have no particular trouble going on dates; sometimes, they can be fun, depending on the person and the activity. But they're neither a necessary nor sufficient route for me to end up in a relationship with someone.

It's too bad the mainstream social construct traps so many people. Some of them are very nice, really.

[kightp.livejournal.com]

I like your alternate reality, too. (-:

[firecat]

WTF are dating clothes supposed to be?

[redbird]

It seemed to be somewhere in a territory of "clothing that will attract attention/clothing that shows off your body, but not too much" and the only thing that was clear was that it was neither serious business drag nor truly casual/comfortable stuff.

Considering that I met my new sweetie in a context for which I had decided "I'm going to see people I know and love, and we're not going out to anything like a club or party, I don't need to take any dress-up clothes, and besides it's going to be cold out," they clearly aren't something I need. And I haven't the slightest recollection of what she was wearing at that point, either.

[papersky.livejournal.com]

I'm pretty sure you were both wearing pyjamas.

I just thought and I know what I was wearing when I met rysmiel. It was Saturday of Intersection, so I was wearing my neutron coloured t-shirt.

[redbird]

You're right.

I wonder what the people who believe in "dating clothes" would make of that.

[rysmiel.livejournal.com]

So you've finally admitted that's the colour neutrons are ?

[wild-patience.livejournal.com]

I used to have a cartoon up in my office at work that said something like, "I don't understand the appeal of modeling. The whole point is to wear clothes and not eat. I'd rather eat and not wear clothes." Amen.

[dsgood.livejournal.com]

According to this book: From Front Porch to Back Seat : Courtship in Twentieth_Century America by Beth L. Bailey, the American dating system died in the 1980s.

[rysmiel.livejournal.com]

Funny, I thought you were still using Gregorian.