Wu wei, or, Saying the right thing:

[redbird]

A few days ago, Patrick sent me an email about something in my Weblog. I thought about what he'd written, and posted some more thoughts on the subject, without quoting his email.

I got an email that felt like an attack.

My first impulse was to strike out in response.

But we're friends. Not family, but friends. Having a conversation, not participating in a public debate. So, instead, I sent him a message, telling him that I felt attacked, and if he wanted to send a message that didn't read like a lawyer cross-examining a hostile witness, I'd reply.

He did. With an apology at the beginning, and some good points after it. An email I could answer, and did.

It would have been so damned easy to do the wrong thing, jump onto jagged rocks for no good reason.

I need to remember this.

Comments

on turning aside wrath

[red-queen.livejournal.com]

Thank you for the useful reminder that there are constructive alternatives to ripping someone a new one that still allow one to hold someone accountable for *their* perceived missteps. (*whew* I had no idea how I was gonna convey all that in one sentence :-}).

It takes some extra energy to step back and act constructively, but the big, big reward is that when you give someone a chance to be the best that they are, a lot of folks will actually *do* it.

Thanks!

[chaiya.livejournal.com]

I've got to remember that. I've been putting off my reply to an email from an ex because it hit my buttons, but perhaps the words weren't meant in the way I read them.

tigerbright pointed me here. I'm so glad she did. :)