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Annoying e-mail
So, on alt.poly someone asked whether the women on the group had gotten email from the resident misogynist troll, Orlando Fiol, I think with the goal of seeing whether zie could come up with any correlation between those who had heard from him and those who hadn't. His pattern appears to be to send a relatively innocuous email to a woman, then push for more intimate correspondence, and eventually blow up and call the woman in question a bitch when she either says explicitly that she doesn't want to have sex with him, or tells him that she doesn't want to spend as much time on the correspondence as he is asking for. On-group, he behaves as though he believes that poly women will have sex with anyone, and therefore it is discrimination when a woman turns him down. This is one reason why I and many other people, not all female, have him kill-filed.
I posted, saying that I'd gotten one message from him, asking an innocuous question, and that I had not answered the email, but posted the information to the newsgroup, because I didn't want to correspond with Orlando, but am generally happy to talk about chocolate. That got me an almost immediate emailed response, demanding to know what my beef with him is, given that he has not come on to me or devalued my intellect. He actually asked "Why am I apparently unworthy of corresponding with you?" This fits his pattern: someone who doesn't want to be his friend, for whatever reason, is accused of thinking s/he's better than he is. (If I offered someone friendship, and was turned down in a way that felt condescending, I would not be inclined to pursue them, because I'd expect that even if I could convince them to spend time with me, they would continue to be rude and condescending.)
I have followed up to myself on alt.poly, explaining why I do not want to correspond with him, and telling him that I will consider any further email from him as harassment. I don't know whether this will make any difference; he has a history of ignoring "do not send me email" requests, demanding to know why he shouldn't send email, and claiming that his right to an explanation trumps other people's right to be left alone.
My post (minus headers and the quoted previous post) says
[I had thought about posting this friends-locked so I didn't need to worry about copyright issues, and quoting his entire email, but it is more important to me to make this public, and name the idiots (for those of my friends who aren't on alt.poly), so I've paraphrased instead.]
I posted, saying that I'd gotten one message from him, asking an innocuous question, and that I had not answered the email, but posted the information to the newsgroup, because I didn't want to correspond with Orlando, but am generally happy to talk about chocolate. That got me an almost immediate emailed response, demanding to know what my beef with him is, given that he has not come on to me or devalued my intellect. He actually asked "Why am I apparently unworthy of corresponding with you?" This fits his pattern: someone who doesn't want to be his friend, for whatever reason, is accused of thinking s/he's better than he is. (If I offered someone friendship, and was turned down in a way that felt condescending, I would not be inclined to pursue them, because I'd expect that even if I could convince them to spend time with me, they would continue to be rude and condescending.)
I have followed up to myself on alt.poly, explaining why I do not want to correspond with him, and telling him that I will consider any further email from him as harassment. I don't know whether this will make any difference; he has a history of ignoring "do not send me email" requests, demanding to know why he shouldn't send email, and claiming that his right to an explanation trumps other people's right to be left alone.
My post (minus headers and the quoted previous post) says
OK: For the record. My beef with Mr. Fiol is that he has harassed many of my friends, and that he is either incapable of, or unwilling to, consider women as independent people who have desires and agendas that may not fit his. I do not choose to correspond with people, of any gender, who harass my friends. I do not choose to correspond with people who behave as though they have the right to sex with someone, regardless of that person's desires.
Orlando, I know you're reading this. Do not email me again. If you do, I will consider it harassment, and will contact your ISP.
[I had thought about posting this friends-locked so I didn't need to worry about copyright issues, and quoting his entire email, but it is more important to me to make this public, and name the idiots (for those of my friends who aren't on alt.poly), so I've paraphrased instead.]
no subject
no subject
no subject
no subject
polite explanations
Re: polite explanations
Re: polite explanations
Re: polite explanations
Most of my experience & observation has had to do with members of science-fiction fandom, where people tend to be smarter than average, and density or essential wrong-headedness is usually limited to some small area(s). Such people often have other, worth-while, qualities, so work-arounds are useful -- one just avoids all temptation to discuss global warming with Arhvid, abortion with Marty, torture with Karl, &cet. But this guy seems to be wildly different, in crucial matters, from just about everyone else in that forum/venue, which makes for a difficult problem when (as is usually the case) official Expulsion is not practical. Not that you need my advice or approbation, but yeah, developing the ability to ignore someone like that is A Good Thing, even if it doesn't cause the person to Go Away.